5 Signs You’re Avoiding Tough Conversations—and What It’s Costing You
Jan 14, 2025
Have you ever found yourself replaying a tricky situation in your head, wishing you could just find the right words to address it? Or worse, avoided the conversation entirely, hoping it might resolve itself? If so, you’re not alone.
For mid-career professionals in Higher Education managing teams, avoiding tough conversations can feel like the path of least resistance. But here’s the uncomfortable truth: it’s costing you more than you think—professionally, personally, and emotionally.
Recognising the Patterns
Let’s start with a little self-reflection. Do any of these sound familiar?
- You’ve made excuses to delay a conversation. Perhaps you’ve told yourself, “It’s not urgent” or “I’ll wait for the right time.” But weeks pass, and the moment never comes.
- You overthink what to say. You write and rewrite scripts in your head, trying to predict every possible reaction, only to end up paralysed.
- You’ve stepped in to fix the problem yourself. Instead of addressing an underperforming team member, you take on their tasks, hoping it’ll be quicker and less confrontational.
- You worry about upsetting people. The fear of emotional reactions or damaging relationships keeps you from speaking up.
- You’ve noticed team dynamics shifting. Trust and morale dip as others see problematic behaviours go unchallenged.
Sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone. Many managers in Higher Education face these challenges, especially in a sector that values collegiality and consensus.
Why This Matters
Avoiding these conversations doesn’t just create stress for you—it ripples out to your team and institution. When tough conversations are sidestepped, small issues grow into big problems. Team morale suffers, productivity declines, and resentment can build, leaving you feeling stuck and frustrated.
How to Stop Avoiding and Start Leading
Ready to take the first steps towards addressing these conversations with confidence? Here are five practical tips:
- Reframe your mindset. Instead of seeing these conversations as conflicts, view them as opportunities to make better agreements and improve relationships.
- Prepare with purpose. Write down the key points you need to address, focusing on facts and impact rather than emotions or assumptions. You can find a fillable preparation worksheet in my free guide: The Brave Management Conversations Starter Pack.
- Start small. If a big conversation feels overwhelming, start with something low-stakes to build your confidence.
- Use clear and kind language. You can be both firm and empathetic by focusing on shared goals and mutual respect.
- Seek support. Whether it’s a mentor, coach, or peer, talking through your approach can help you gain clarity and courage.
Challenging the Norm
Here’s something to consider: many people assume that avoiding conflict keeps the peace. But in reality, avoiding tough conversations often creates more tension and erodes trust over time. The “peace” you’re preserving might be an illusion, masking deeper issues that need addressing.
As a manager, your ability to tackle these moments directly and thoughtfully is what sets you apart. It’s how you build respect and foster a culture of accountability within your team.
The Bigger Picture
This isn’t just about individual conversations. The Higher Education sector is under immense pressure to do more with less. As managers, we’re often the bridge between strategic goals and the people making them happen. By improving how we navigate difficult conversations, we’re not just helping ourselves and our teams—we’re contributing to a healthier, more resilient workplace culture.
Take the Next Step
If you’re ready to break the cycle of avoidance and lead with confidence, my Brave Management Conversations Starter Pack can help. It’s packed with actionable tips and tools to help you prepare for and navigate tough conversations with clarity and courage.
Or, if you’re looking for a deeper dive, join the waiting list for my Management Conversations programme. This comprehensive course is designed to give you the skills and confidence to handle even the most challenging management situations with ease.
